Friday 27 November 2009

Third world countries need help!

Sort of, I suppose. Lets pretend that we don't understand how economies grow and civilisations flourish. Lets instead, throw money at them until they stop sending us videos of them sitting around looking sad covered in flies. Surely the whole spectrum of what constitutes as "needing help" is relative to the people who are offering it. By our standards, with our world of fridge magnets, bidets, cherry coke and a million mild variations of shampoo. 3rd world countries are rubbish and boring. However, the whole situation could be solved if we just left them alone and stop telling them how lame they are, that way, they wouldn't know how bad they have it.

Beings from another world may visit us one day from their world of SUPER FRIDGE MAGNETS and GAZILLIONS OF SHAMPOO VARIATIONS, feel sorry for us then tell us how great life could be if we were them. Well, alien dick heads, life was pretty alright until you showed up and started teasing us with your superior lifestyle, now I can't be bothered being happy with my life of regular fridge magnets, I want the super ones. Thanks.

So, Geldof, I realise you have this thing where you get angry at everyone for not trying to create a lovely, united world where everyone is a rock-star and best mates with Bono and what-not. It's nice and everything but, stop it. We can not fix problems by throwing coins at it, especially coins we don't actually have and I doubt it will help if we simply extend the warm branch of western debt to everywhere else in the world. Though misery loves company I suppose, maybe we could dress all the fly covered children in little suits and teach them how to make several power point presentations for their boss before sitting down and deciding the most organised way to kill themselves.

Welcome to paradise Ethiopian child, here is your cherry coke, a magazine that tells you what clothes to buy this winter so you don't get rejected from society and therapy. Have fun.

Anyway, "Geldof" there are more pressing matters to attend to, like the language bomb you have planted. You should probably diffuse it before it annoys me any more than it does simply because it is called "Peaches".




Seriously though, well done if you do charitable work, however, if you still have money in your pocket and don't donate all your money to all charities equally, you are still a greedy bastard. Who cares though, right? This cherry coke is delicious.