I don't understand games that strive to reflect the total fucking banality and pointlessness of real life.
The new Gran Turismo game is so pathetic and boring that on the first level you get to drive your mother's car at 40mph while sticking to a blue line for two minutes. If you stick at boring tasks like this for 15 days straight you get upgraded to a car that only a boyband member would ever consider driving. Like one of the guys out of Blue or something. Something sporty like a Porsche or Ferrari.
I don't know anything about cars. I think they're over-priced and the myth about them being girl magnets is a marketing tactic that only works on boys who have failed to develop beyond the playground at school. This type of game is simply a simulation of boredom and the decrepit lifestyle associated exclusively for Lynx/axe-smelling, spotty, human slug boys who read FHM, watch "spike tv" and don't respect their mothers. The point is, this game's all about cars, the reality of cars. You start off battling yourself and your personal sense of self-worth while feeling embarrassed to be driving a car that doesn't look like an electric shaver and make people around you with caps on backwards, flick their nose with their thumb and call you dude.
If you want to have a fun driving game, play mario kart or micromachines. If you can't be bothered leaving your room in order to feel the static of real life, while thinking the best way to describe beer is with the word "awesome". This game is for you.
