Saturday 7 August 2010

If looks could kill, I would live forever.

I have a fair amount of trouble whenever I decide to buy clothes for myself. You see, I like to pretend that I am an individual and so the fabric of which covers my body must reflect that. This is probably a common issue since everyone thinks they are unique in someway unless, you have an identical twin. If I had a twin the last thing I would do is hang out with them everyday, finish their sentences and wear the same clothes as them. I would probably dedicate my entire life to trying to get as far away from them as possible. I don't really know how I feel about twins or rather, the idea of twins. They seem like a bit of a glitch to the birthing process.

It's similar to putting money into a vending machine to get a packet of crisps and suddenly, for what seems like the greatest thing that has ever happened, two packets fall. This is fine because it's like an extra treat at no extra cost. Twins however, is like an extra surprise treat that costs you double what you intended to pay, regardless of your parental planning tactics. It wouldn't be so bad if the extra baby wasn't tediously identical as the original, aside from perhaps variations in preferred flavour of ice-cream or something. Society however, quite likes twins. They're funny and trendy. I remember there was this TV show that I used to accidentally watch while trying to catch an episode of 'Sabrina the teenage witch' called 'Sister Sister'. I think I have to blame this show for the birth of my thoughts regarding twins being an inconvenience. It was disgusting. Aside from the serious dramas of being a twin which surrounded these two boring and depressing sisters, I just seem to remember a small boy who was a charming and romantic with a heart of gold.

His name was Roger and he looked beyond the twin fetish that attracted those other guys and would bring flowers to the house while often providing assistance in solving the daily problems. However, "go the fuck home Roger!" I never knew why. Relationships would also be tricky. If one twin gets a boyfriend of girlfriend you must assume that this person is also attracted to your brother or sister. Maybe this issue was covered in an episode of 'Sister Sister' but, I didn't hate myself enough as a child to spend 30 minutes trying to find the answer. Another issue would be that if one of the twins put on a little bit of weight, they would be defined by the public as 'the fat one'.

Ok, so that's twins. I was supposed to be talking about clothes. I think the main issue with projecting individuality while shopping for attire is that you can only buy, what the shops sell. You might be stalking the streets thinking you're the culture when suddenly, the hipster t-shirt you bought from Topman or H&M is being worn by a 12 year old with blonde spiky hair and crooked teeth. It's at this point that you realise that you should probably just go home in-case people see this little prick, before they see you. This place is tainted. Your dandy haircut, wide frame cosmetic glasses and nonchalant way you nervously walk have been compromised. I know a few people who are sickeningly bohemian and exclusively buy clothes from charity shops, inter-city thrift emporiums and Ebay. This is a fine idea and I have also done it myself. However, I don't buy a plaid bowler hat with a feather in it, accompanied by a bright red t-shirt then, walk around at casual venues with a smug sense of noxious pride. There is a difference between a 'trend-setter' and looking like the refuse left behind from a car-boot sale.

I mean, it's impossible to be an individual really, I think there is a general agreement that everything is a copy of a copy of a copy and if you think otherwise, you're probably just trying to be an individual. I know people, mainly girls, who study textiles and fashion. The thing is, generally, girls who study fashion do so just because they simply like to wear clothes and don't really have much else in terms of substance or passion. They probably watch 'Devil wears Prada' and before announcing it on Facebook decide, being a fashion designer looks neato, I bet I would do even better than Anna Hathaway because, I'm savvy and all my clothes look super 'lush'. The thing is, I'm not just trying to cynically dissect the ideas of brand clothing and design. I just want substance, I don't want to see sequins on a t-shirt, I don't want to see a slogan that implies vague violent or general superiority and I don't care what is 'in'. Give me creativity, thoughtfulness and personality and I will wear it. That, or anything that has a tiger on it.