The other day I was walking through Loughborough which, isn't a particularly pleasant experience. I had spent the whole day on my own and my mouth hadn't made a noise for hours which was making me feel a little bit insane. While heading back home, a young woman was staring at me and as I took a few more steps, she beckoned me over. She was very neurotic and was smiling all the time, for no reason. I already knew that she wanted my money or something but, she didn't get right to the point and was trying to soften me up with small talk. That isn't how real life works, strangers don't just smile at you and display giddy interest in my life without a secret agenda like, charity or sex. Since I hadn't spoken to anyone all day, I was willing to be subjected to this person just so I can use my voice and feel normal again. Charade you are charity woman, you may think you are throwing all these subtle small talk tactics on me but, little do you know that it is I, Jay Raine, who is using you.
The first thing she said to me, which was strange, was that she is Canadian and not, American. She then laughed. I looked at her laughing face and did a little fake laugh of my own, we're laughing, we're having casual fun, no strings attached. I get it, the world likes Canada probably a little more then it likes America, classic. She then starts asking me general things which, I found difficult to answer, such as, "What are you doing?". This is your domain Canadian, you should know what I'm doing, I'm here because of you. I just told her, 'buying a drink, heading home', She nodded. I was enjoying this, I already knew that I wasn't going to give her any money so, it was fun to see her methods which might have worked on other people. She is probably more successful on lonely old women who don't understand what's going on but, like having someone to talk to, she's a monster. She started asking me about what 'I do' in general, I've done this before, I told her my current position in the education system, that's what they want. She then started talking to me about how she had just finished university and how she has a pet dog and how she has a friend who has hair like mine who is really nice. I don't understand why she told me the hair thing, it's not really a compliment. My hair style isn't a crown for nice guys, I'm not that nice really. Maybe she was trying to reinforce a stereotype unto me like, maybe I would be nice if I knew other people who shared similar characteristics where nice? I'm not sure, I just said, "yeah".
She then got to the point. She took a loud exhale and told me that she is a 'paid helper for UNICEF, do I know what UNICEF is'. I made a mental note of the word 'paid' and said yes. UNICEF help children who she claims are denied human rights, there's nothing funny about that really, that's probably true. She then threw a hot potato at me and asked me if I am interested in helping children?! There's only one answer to that, unless you're a bastard. I was told that these children belong to countries, that she failed to name, which are run by governments which do not provide medical vaccines and so the children are dying from diseases that do not effect you or I. I believe her. She told me that each vaccine costs only £2, she asked me, if I had £2 right now, which I did, what would I spend it on. My inner self smiled as I told her I would probably buy a Cherry Coke since I'm thirsty, I did my 2 blog readers proud.
Here's a script, it's easier this way.
UNICEF: So, you would buy a cherry coke? See, once you have drunk it, it's gone. That money could have saved a child.
Me: Well, it would have quenched by thirst which helps me to survive?
UNICEF: Yeah but, you could always buy another one?
Me: I thought I only had two pounds?
UNICEF: Ok, if you had another two pounds after the Cherry Coke, what would you get with it?
Me: Vaccines?
UNICEF: exactly it's li-
Me: For me.
UNICEF: *laughs*
UNICEF: You don't need vaccines.
Me: Probably worth getting them though just in case, if they're only two pounds. I could always give them to you after a while if I don't use them.
She laughed a bit more and then realised that she was going to have to make this whole thing a little less light-hearted. She told me that all they needed was £9 pounds a month. This confused me, I thought vaccines were £2? 9 isn't even a multiple of 2, where is that extra 1 going? UNICEF parties? Champaign? Gold rims for the UNICEF limo? She then asked me for my bank account details. I started off being nice, told her that I'm a student, don't have any money of my own but I realise it's a worthy cause and would likely contribute once I have a steady income. To be honest, I might. Suddenly, she turned on me, her voice become firmer and her eyes closed slightly, she informed me that everyone has £9. A little bit of me wanted to correct her in reference to the children who can't afford vaccines but, I wouldn't have felt good about myself if I did. Instead, I brought out the bomb I had kept hidden. I asked her how much she got paid., before she could answer, I suggested that perhaps she should donate her salary and work for free. She frowned, shook her head and told me that wasn't an option. That answer wasn't good enough for me but, I didn't pursue it. I think it was her last attempt but she seemed angry and asked me, "So, you're just going to do nothing?". I don't normally speak to strangers with arrogant charisma but, I had words in my mouth and I just decided to say them. Here's the gist of what I said.
"I understand that dying children is not good and something should ideally be done to combat it. However, throwing money at them is not a solution or, at least it's not a permanent solution. You need to address the underlying cause of the problem. If the government is oppressing it's people then, that has to be the focus of a resolution. I realise it's not easy and perhaps UNICEF don't have the power to do anything about it but, if UNICEF is just a life support machine that requires a constant fuel of donations, I don't see how that is helping anything, aside from making 'us' feel better about ourselves."
I was very proud about this, I had hoped that passers by might have listened in and wanted to be my friend. Probably not, I'm ranting to a charity worker. The Canadian woman looked at me for a while and took a deep breathe in while shaking her head before saying, 'thanks anyway' and shaking my hand. I smiled and shook her hand before walking off and lighting a cigarette like a deluded rock star who just played the worst gig of his life but, convinces himself the boos where cheers. It was nice to hear my own voice again though.
